BLINGED TEETH, TIRE RIMS, AND MORE...

BLINGED TEETH, TIRE RIMS, AND MORE Retailers of useless merchandise expecting surge if proposed Tennessee wage laws pass (by G. Randy Cazzate) "We've pre-ordered an extra 20 cases of blinged gold teeth," said Vihaan Patel, co-owner of Git-It-N-Go, a South Jackson convenience, thrift, and consignment furniture store. Patel is just one of many retailers who are anticipating a rise in sales if two bills proposed in January become law in July of this year. Senator Sara Kyle (D-Memphis) proposed a bill that would raise the state's minimum wage to $15 per hour, and Senator Raumesh Akbari (D-Memphis), would increase the earnings of tipped employees from the current $2.13 an hour plus tips to $7.25 an hour plus tips. Eduardo Melendez, a line cook at a local restaurant said he already has set his sights on a "kick @$$ set of car rims" he plans to buy with his first updated paycheck. While waiting for a load of clothes to dry at the Laundrymat on S. Highland, Melendez's girlfriend Britney chimed in that she would use the extra money to increase her ear gauges to 16mm. "That's about the size of a quarter", she informed. The bills still must pass multiple hurdles before becoming law, but a good percentage of the Madison County workforce is certainly hoping for good news. (photo caption: Owner of Git-It-N-Go store displays one of the items he has pre-ordered in anticipation of new wage laws.) All Jackson Critic articles are satire news and entirely fabricated. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. Please feel free to copy and paste this disclaimer into you facebook comment to “prove this site’s bullshit”.