JMCSS PLANS TO BUILD NEW SCHOOLS FOR PHANTOM STUDENT

JACKSON-MADISON COUNTY SCHOOLS PLANS TO BUILD NEW SCHOOLS FOR PHANTOM STUDENTS. By:(Ernest Presser)

“We are not keeping up with the declining number of students in our Jackson-Madison County Schools,” said leaders of the 35 million dollar public/private partnership to build three more schools. In a joint statement, Jackson Mayor Scott Conger, Madison County Mayor Jimmy Harris, and three County Commissioners (requesting anonymity) announced that in the future, a new state-of-the-art school building will be constructed for every 400 student population decline.

“While it is true than the JMCSS school system has lost several thousand students and closed five schools over the past ten years, we are not comfortable with building only three new buildings at a cost of 35 million plus interest”, said the newly self-appointed “MORE DEBRT” committee of five.

Hal Crocker, ex-officio, honorary stake-holder chair of the committee, stated that unless at least ten more schools can be built in this public-private effort, the number of construction contracts and new jobs in the industry cannot continue to grow.

Members of the Madison County Commission have reported that behind the scenes discussions regarding an increased wheel tax is needed for residents if the goal of ten new schools in the 2020’s decade is to be reached. When contacted, an unnamed source, Commissioner “J.W.” said, “We simply must provide more under-utilized buildings and vacant classrooms for our non-existent students.

While the “More Debt” committee has suggested a maximum of $100 million to be borrowed for the unneeded schools by 2029, the Madison County Commission indicates that this would be offset by a $500.00 per wheel annual tax. “Normally wheel taxes are assessed per vehicle, but our need is immediate and greater -- thus a tax per wheel. This gives moped riders a break on their tax bill”, said the chairman of the commission’s finance committee. “Our public school population continues to decline, making it imperative that new building construction continue on a fast-track.” All Jackson Critic articles are satire news and entirely fabricated. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. Please feel free to copy and paste this disclaimer into you facebook comment to “prove this site’s bullshit”.