MADISON COUNTY REPUBLICANS CONSIDER BREAKING THE LAW

MADISON COUNTY REPUBLICANS CONSIDER BREAKING THE LAW Recent publicity for rival Democrats has forced Republicans to discuss making headlines (by G. Randy Cazzate) "In today's highly competitive political world, we are being forced to consider actions previously unheard of," said a highly placed Madison County Republican on condition of anonymity. Jackson media has featured the legal battle of a local politician's family member accused of shoplifting. Countless headlines and lead stories featured the Democrat office holder's plight in trying to balance personal, political, and legal spinning plates. The decision was ultimately made by the accused family member to accept a 'best interest' plea of guilty and accept the punishment of probation, restitution, and legal costs. The publicity, however, resulted in tens of thousands of dollars in free publicity for the local Democratic Party. As one member of the party said, "Even bad publicity is good publicity." Not to miss an opportunity, the Madison County Republican Party has been holding secret meetings at the Little Rebel Drive-In to determine who among them would break the law and help level the publicity playing field. Gary Deaton of the Executive Committee was overheard saying he would be willing to drive 12 mph over the speed limit along the 45 bypass and rack up as many speeding tickets as necessary, if needed. He went as far as to volunteer leaving his driver’s side window down, allowing his flowing silver hair to be mussed in an attempt to duplicate Gary Busey's mugshot. Arguments erupted at the meeting as some suggested full on felonies, while others were more comfortable with racking up several misdemeanors instead. "Well, we can't go the shoplifting route, that's been done by them" said one well-placed Republican, "so that leaves us with petty theft, trespassing, prostitution, or indecent exposure." The meeting eventually broke down into a game of drawing the short stick. The person chosen was not revealed at the time of this article. (photo caption: From speeding tickets to more salacious misdemeanors, Madison County Republicans are ready to play the publicity game.)All Jackson Critic articles are satire news and entirely fabricated. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. Please feel free to copy and paste this disclaimer into you facebook comment to “prove this site’s bullshit”.