MORE MEXICAN RESTAURANTS NEED FOR JACKSON - CHAMBER SAYS

More Mexican Restaurants Need for Jackson – Chamber Says (By: Earnest Presser) Citing a recent study by Senorita Sharon Younger and Associates, the future economic success of Jackson, Tennessee depends on the ability to attract more Mexican Restaurants into our city. “There is ravenous desire of our upper middle class citizens to enjoy chips and salsa, along with a margarita 5-6 times a week, according to the Younger and Associates study. We are not meeting the needs of a growing upwardly mobile and metrosexual population.” “For some time, we’ve experienced a clamoring and rising tide of people at our southern border wanting to come in to the U.S.,” said Kyle Spurgeon, Executive Director of Jackson Area Chamber of Commerce. ”Providing authentic Mexican food will give more immigrants (both legal and illegal) jobs! Jobs are good. More tacos, more tamales, more refried beans, more diarrhea – all of this is good for Jackson.” The Chamber has stated that for every $20.00 spent in tips to undocumented servers in Mexican restaurants, a return of $14.00 is spent at stores such as Walmart and Dollar General. Alonzo Calibre, a local restaurant chain owner said, “Mexican dining in West Tennessee has been muy bueno for my family and for those Americans who want spicier food and good service, without the “spicier” cost.” “We know there is conflict between those who oppose open borders and those who want more workers for the unfilled restaurant jobs and dry wall and roofing construction opportunities.” While there has been a proliferation of Chinese restaurants in the area, many patrons prefer real beef, pork and chicken – rather than the feline and canine dishes that are suspected to be among the area Chinese buffet items. The Chamber says research proves that more Americans have moderate Spanish language skills, but have not mastered even simple Chinese phrases. Calibre says, “We don’t hand out fortune cookies promising you will soon encounter an automobile extended warranty. We don’t think most Americans are that interested in the history or military background of General Tso. We offer numbing of the taste buds, more gas, and more heartburn – what West Tennesseans crave. Unnamed sources have said that the Chamber is consulting with JEA and the city in order to provide tax abatements and discounted utilities for the next 100 Mexican restaurants agreeing to build in Jackson. All Jackson Critic articles are satire news and entirely fabricated. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. Please feel free to copy and paste this disclaimer into you facebook comment to “prove this site’s bullshit”.