MORE ROUNDABOUTS ON THE HORIZON FOR JACKSON DRIVERS
More Roundabouts on the Horizon for Jackson Drivers (by: Jake Rascal) JACKSON, TN—Monday, Jackson Mayor Scott Conger outlined his vision for more roundabouts in Jackson. Speaking Monday at a “Strong Communities” meeting at The Co., Mayor Conger announced the plan for new roundabouts to begin construction in Spring 2020. “Due to the massive amount of positive feedback we have received about the roundabout at the intersection of North Highland and Deaderick, we have made plans for additional roundabouts on North Highland from College Street to University Parkway,” Conger told a crowd of eight wine-drinkers at the group’s February meeting. “We will be adding approximately one new roundabout per month until every intersection on North Highland is replaced with a roundabout. This is the most aggressive roundabout initiative in the country, and we are confident that other communities will soon follow in our footsteps.” Mayor Conger further stated that the City Council would be taking up a resolution next month to rename North Highland as “Roundabout Parkway”. “I am optimistic about the vote for the name change,” Conger said, “We have a few holdouts right now, but the momentum is there. I’m confident we’ll be replacing street signs by Christmas to reflect the new name.” We asked Mayor Conger what was next for Jackson after his “Roundabout Parkway” vision was realized. “I just don’t think we stop at one street,” he said, downing his fifth glass of wine, “There’s no reason we can’t turn every intersection in Jackson into a roundabout. I’d like to eventually see Jackson renamed ‘Roundabout City’. It may never happen, but I’m going to start calling it that anyway!” When asked how the city was going to pay for the construction of the roundabouts, Conger replied, “It’s an investment. It’s an investment that will quickly pay for itself. Once we eliminate every traffic light in Jackson, imagine how much we’ll save on electricity, not to mention light bulbs! And have you seen what happens at a traffic light during a power outage? It’s pandemonium! But you have a power outage at a roundabout, and people are no more confused than normal.” Mayor Conger indicated that the first of the new roundabouts would be at the intersection of North Highland and Lane Avenue, and that construction for that roundabout would begin in April. All Jackson Critic articles are satire news and entirely fabricated. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to sports personalities and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction. Please feel free to copy and paste this disclaimer into you facebook comment to “prove this site’s bullshit”.